


Secondhand Angst

by quicksilvermalec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: "cringey and depressing", Alec is sad, Alternate Ending, Angst, Canon Divergence, Episode: s02e10 By the Light of Dawn, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jace loves Alec so much, Lots of Angst, M/M, Magnus is totally dead, Major character death - Freeform, Parabatai Bond, Probably ooc, Spoilers, according to my friend, full-on angst, good brother Jace Lightwood, jace pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 22:25:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18837997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilvermalec
Summary: Alec ran into the room. “Have you seen Magnus?”From behind Jace, Clary’s voice came. “He and I Portaled in upstairs, but we were separated.”Alec looked mildly afraid, but Jace could feel his panic thrumming through their bond. “Oh, god,” he whispered, running back into the hallway.Jace slumped to the floor. “I hope he finds him.” He didn’t add, 'alive'.





	Secondhand Angst

Izzy found him first. He was curled up in the fetal position in the corner. Clary was unconscious a few yards away from him. Izzy took his hand and helped him stand up. “Are you okay?”

He sighed. “Uh… yeah. The majority of Downworld is an entirely different issue.”

Izzy looked at the carnage around them, breathing hard with her hands on her hips, then looked directly into his eyes. “Jace, this isn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is,” he said immediately, looking at something over her shoulder rather than her face. The words were so automatic they felt almost rehearsed. Isabelle sighed.

“Goddammit, Jace,” she murmured. He knew her well enough to know she was mentally cursing Valentine for giving him PTSD and causing him to assume responsibility for everything. “You were manipulated. You. Were. Manipulated. It _is not_ your fault.”

She went over to Clary to try and shake her awake as Alec ran into the room. “Have you seen Magnus?”

From behind Jace, Clary’s voice came. “He and I Portaled in upstairs, but we were separated.”

Alec looked mildly afraid, but Jace could feel his panic thrumming through their bond. “Oh, god,” he whispered, running back into the hallway.

Jace slumped to the floor. “I hope he finds him.” He didn’t add, _alive_.

“He will,” Izzy said, and Jace knew she was responding only to what he had said. She didn’t look convinced. She was still kneeling on the floor with one hand on Clary’s shoulder as the redhead tried to sit up.

“What about Simon?” Jace asked, suddenly overwhelmed with panic. _Simon_. Caring Simon, Simon who played guitar and sang, Simon who was unappreciated by everyone. Simon who was kind, and beautiful, and gave everything without expecting anything in return. _Simon_.

Clary sighed. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him.”

“I was with him when we came in here. He apologized for drinking so much. I told him not to be sorry. He said he would have killed me, and… I lost him once I saw the sword.”

Suddenly there was a violent surge of emotion – emotion familiar enough that he knew where it came from, but it was still foreign to his mind – and Izzy’s response was lost. He doubled over.

“Fuck, Alec,” he whispered. He was so afraid. He was running, he was sprinting, he was breathing hard, he was panicking.

Jace couldn’t function. He came back to himself enough to see Clary and Izzy had moved over to him and were flanking him, asking if he was okay, but he couldn’t say anything to them.

All he could do was sit there and keep whispering. “He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive, he has to be alive.”

“What’s happening to him?” Clary’s distorted voice whispered.

Izzy’s voice – equally distorted, as if from a great distance – replied, “sometimes when one of them – he and Alec – experience an extremely strong emotion, like joy, or pain, or fear, they sort of become one person. I think he’s saying what Alec is thinking.”

“Please, please, let him be alive.” Jace couldn’t control any of the words out of his mouth.

Clary put a hand on his shoulder and Izzy started to rub comforting circles on his back, and then he had a flash of what he sometimes called AlecVision™. A tall, thin Asian man, usually so animated, on the ground, unresponsive. Inside the building.

He doubled over completely, collapsing on the floor as he and Alec screamed together, from opposite sides of the Institute.

“No. No! _NO!_ Magnus, Magnus. Magnus… Magnus I’m sorry. Magnus, please… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I failed you, I’m sorry.”

Izzy was looking at him in horror when his vision cleared. Clary wasn’t in his line of sight. “Izzy,” he whispered, his voice soft and hoarse. “He’s gone.”

Izzy surged forward suddenly, enfolding him in her arms, and then everything blurred, and the next thing he remembered was a pair of warm arms and a feeling of home.

He woke up in Simon’s Institute room, with Simon, Izzy, and Clary around him. He stood up and walked toward the main office.

Alec was sitting in there, slumped over something on his desk, looking as if he wanted nothing more than to drop dead. When he felt Jace enter, he looked up.

He made a visible effort to smile, but he couldn’t seem to get there, and Jace couldn’t blame him. He walked across the room to sit in front of his _parabatai_. He sighed and offered his hand. Alec looked at him for a moment, then took it. Jace tightened his grip just a little, to say, _I’m here_.

Alec did smile, then, gratefully. He knew that only one other person in the world knew his pain. And Jace was going to help him through it. No matter what.


End file.
